chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
