Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
