don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
