watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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