My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
