I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
