The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
