I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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