Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
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his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
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Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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