i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
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I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
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I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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