thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He shit in the fireplace
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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