My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
