just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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