see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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