Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
