Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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