return my video game
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
