I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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