watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
