Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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