the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
