I heard we made out
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
