He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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