so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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