dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize