Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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