why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
