Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
