you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
