Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
