I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
