Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Randomize
