her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
