I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
my being single is dangerous.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
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he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
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My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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