A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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