If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Randomize
