are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
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