I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
