So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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