I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
