All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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