Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
