there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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