her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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