I am in a vortex of obligation.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I want a musical about memes.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
