We won't sleep together?
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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