Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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