Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
