We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
