Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
