We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
