Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
