i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
