so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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