Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Green mimosas i think yes
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize