im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
