That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
