I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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