just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
All I want is dick and wine.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
