I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm sobbing to NWA
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
