You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
