I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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