the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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