He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
