We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
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you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
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I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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