She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
