Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
